Can you go crazy from too much ideas?

Can you go crazy from having so many ideas, or does it open your eyes?

This is the question that resonated in my head during my morning walk while I rolled the ball with my feet; a practice I use to increase my concentration, which was not as it used to be because even when I walk with a football rolling between my legs I notice the shadows on the ground in the periphery of my vision, and my hyper imaginative mind couldn’t help but imagine an assassin’s shadow about to jump on me, and how I might roll on the ground like the ball between my legs to avoid death. And after a while of me living in the imaginary world I conjured with my mind, where I was initiating a new member in my organization by testing him, I came back to my world by the sounds of Car horns in the distance. I looked around, realizing I was operating on autopilot while my imagination was sustaining the world I created. I looked at the trees, the bricks, and the people around me, and they all felt strange to me, as if the world around me was not the one I knew my whole life. Why am I seeing colors that I don’t recognize? Why, at that moment, do I hear birds like I never heard their melodies before? As the, now strange wind, brushed through my hair and stimulate my neurons, a revelation came to me. The way we see the world, as proven, is through illusion. There is no orange color, it’s our eyes that see it this way because that’s how our brain translate them, the same way the world is translated to a bat or to a spider. All creatures see the world differently, we don’t know what the world actually looks like. Maybe there is no world and we just imagining it and you and me are assuming that we imagine the same thing and hear the same color when we describe a shirt.

My isolation from life through my imaginary adventure made the world look different to me when I came back to it. I felt as if I came to a realization at that moment, and I hope that one day I can see the world as it is, in its true form, its true sounds and its true taste. I pray that I can receive the right brain that reveals the reality of my illusion.

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My New Drawing…..3

“The wonder and curiosity of innocence is a true magic. Worlds bend and collide for their excited minds. And all I wish to be, is an immortal child in an old man’s body; still believe that life is beautiful, and thorns around the roses are just a challenge for me to overcome my hate and see the beauty in scented petals of life.”

~ A. H. Amin

 

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My Drawing 2

My Drawing 1

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Enlightenment…

t24

I found myself recently in the city of Guangzhou where I decided to be spontaneous. I had a one day free of any entanglements, so I decided to pick a bus and get off when I spot anything interesting. But almost forty minutes later, nothing caught my eyes. That’s when I thought my plan wasn’t going to work so well. So I got off when I felt like I should. I walked around to find any restaurant or a place to sit in. Unable to cross the street from all the fast going bike, I turned and walked along a wall to get to the other side and cross safely. And that’s when I saw it.

 

t23

This is a Taoist temple that I’ve stumbled upon by Chance. And in that place I learned one of my most valuable lessons in life. We all try to achieve enlightenment differently, but it should come from a common place.

I came across of two people, one who was responsible of taking care of the place, and the other was a Taichi master from the pictures above. He explained to me what that place was for. I speak Chinese Mandarin but there was one word I didn’t understand; “Qifa: 启发”. He was explaining that this is a place where he comes to to find “Qifa”. The lady with him took her time to find the right English word and then said “Enlightenment”. It made sense to me, one would seek a temple to meditate and eventually get out with something inspiring afterward.

So I turned toward the Taichi master. I understood what he meant by Qifa and I wanted him to know that I understood. I said Qifu and pointed to my mind, made some sort of a gesture that can only be described as a universal explosion of my mind. That’s when I realized that I didn’t really understand the right meaning of that word. The master shook his head negatively, and pointed not to his head, but to his heart, and copied the same cosmic explosive gesture that I made. saying “Zhen de Qifa” Which meant “True enlightenment”.

I was enlightened that day. Soul searching is something for the spirit, your heart. It is not just something for the brain to process, but for your spirit to sync with. I’m glad I got lost there, cause that’s how I was able to find myself again.

Complete Serenity…

bungee

 

Have you ever seen something and thought, “There’s no way I can do that.”?… You know.. that one attraction where the standing line is too short? You may know that feeling and you may have experienced it yourself. But have you ever wondered in what universe the other you would say “This is my dream.. I want to conquer my fears… bring it on!”?

Well, until inter-dimensional travel is possible and you actually find another you who is not really you (If that makes any sense); there is no way to know for sure how would it feels like to conquer your fears. What I am trying to say is… you will never know anything until you actually try… not necessarily daredevil your way out of a daily routine, but to actually do what you wish.. what you dream of doing.

Now I got that out of the way, I’ll tell you exactly how the jump happened in three parts today; First the pre jump, Up top, and then Midair.

– Pre-Jump:-

I stood outside the park for a little while, waiting for a friend; a surgeon who was worried about me when he heard about the jump. But I believe if he hadn’t came I would have maybe hesitated and possibly chickened-out. The place was Xi Hai Park, China, Dalian city. The place had the world’s highest Bungee on waters… yes on waters and not the highest Bungee in the world. But it didn’t matter because it happened so fast I couldn’t tell if it was 156 meters or 10 meters. So we went inside the elevator and I watched how really high it was. With each second of ascend, my heart descends. I reached the top feeling light headed at first cause I didn’t breath while I was looking at the view. Then I was guided to where I would Jump.

– Up top:-

There was a young girl ahead of me who, in celebration of her birthday, decided to do the jump. I guess that’s one way to stay young. So she jumped… actually pushed because she was too afraid… then came my turn. They tied my legs and then brought me to the edge. And all it took was three counts… those three counts brought all my fears, all my dreams…  I was doing it to prove something to myself. I am a writer, a painter, an Orthodontist doing his postgraduate studies, I have no country, My future is obscure, and I knew my life was chaos. But it is the most interesting life I am living. No matter how I may one day describe my life, I won’t use the word boring. So I spread my hands and gave myself to fate.

– Midair

The first three seconds were fear. And then… the most beautiful thing I couldn’t have imagined happened. You know when you walk around, read, pray, sit… you are always thinking of other things, your job, your kids, that one girl or guy you have a crush on? We are always thinking of more than one thing at the same time. But… when I was up there… For the first time since I can remember, I couldn’t think of anything. My mind became so clear. To put it simply, I was in complete serenity. When they lowered the line down so I can ride the boat, I felt light, and all my troubles disappeared.

 

So my conclusion is; Life’s decisions are like Bungee jumps. Hesitation, fear, followed by thrill and then serenity after the accomplishment. So in the future if I ever felt despair, I’ll just remind myself of what I did… and if somehow I forgot… well I can always use another jump.

 

When it hits you…

I was born on July 1985, so when my brothers asked me today what do I want for  my birthday, my mind splat into two… a part ran on auto pilot and went with the conversation, while the other half screamed at the realization that this is the year where I turn 30. Now I know what most of you think… 30 is not that bad, it’s not 60 or 50. Well, here’s where you are wrong.

The reason why I started to view my coming decade in a darker scope is because I no longer have the energy I had when I was 20… and I lack the wisdom I should acquire at the age of 40. So this is the decade I am bound to face my obstacles, my trials and right of passage. I already miss the days where my biggest problems was this picture right here, where a simple solution would be a stick or a taller hand of an older brother.

I miss the days where my biggest problems was this.

I miss the days where my biggest problems was this.

The two parts of my brain merged back together and reason was born from both the optimist and the cynical. My mind reminded me of the many hardship I won against. My record is relatively good. So for now… I guess I’m going to ask for something expensive from my siblings… I guess some things won’t change… my family will be there to make things easier for me.

Here’s a song that I heard recently I’d like to share. How can a song about a negative future be so positive? I’ll never know… I guess I can relate… or maybe I will on my 40th birthday.

A Citizen of The World…

This post was originally intended to be titled “Being Iraqi”. But since I was born as an expatriate, and the only connections I have to that place are the relatives that I love and a piece of paper that says I am originally from there. I wouldn’t be the best man to know what it’s really like to be a real Iraqi. I honestly used to have days where I didn’t know what to be and from where I should pretend I am.

I don’t know how many of you recognizes from where I am. Some of my old readers have seen my older posts when I was visiting Ur ruins, among other places too in Iraq. I have been raised abroad, although I lived in many places. I have almost spent half of my life away from loved ones. I started this blog, and my writing quest, with the policy to never mention from where I was, unless someone asked me of course. Even my author name is an abbreviation from my true birth and family name. But, and due to recent events that have happened, I decided to share my story, and I hope everyone will listen. So… gather around this shimmering screen, join me in a tale of sadness, laughter, hardship and naughtiness. This is the story of a citizen of the world.creative-ideas-are-all-around-us18

I was born as an expatriate, with no real country, but I was never homeless. The home my parents have come from was suffering from a dictatorship. The last straw was the time in jail my mother had to spend because they suspected her being from a rival political party. She was a math teacher, and she made me fall in love with numbers. She told me “To understand the universe, learn physics, to understand the soul of the universe, learn math.” I nodded like an idiot at the time, thinking. “Gosh, lady! just let me get back to playing football.”

For those hailing from the American continents… football = soccer.

It is a hard thing being a kid from another country… but it was twice, even thrice as much difficult to be from a country and studying in a country yours just came out from a war against only months ago… needless to say, kids were tough on me and I had little friends. This, however, forced my imagination to go through a spurt growth, and I managed to forge portals to new worlds. I’ve never been alone; in my yard, I would be the only one using the slides and swings in a way they were not made for, to try and find a way through the walls and pretend to be escaping, and trying not to fall on the lava below me that I imagined from grass and sand, I remembered my walks back home from school; I pretend to be following someone… I was six and probably never watched or understood a thing named a spy… but I was doing it, hiding from one tree to another… gosh I was a dork.

I grew up, and my talents grew with me, separately… I became somewhat a musician… even though everyone I know listens to music; most of them frown at the knowledge that I play the piano as if I am committing a sin. My writing burst out of its shell one day when I was in Emirates, after I mentioned ideas that I have in my head. And recently, I started to use a different form of story-telling, drawing.

I mentioned something about Comic Con Dubai and how I am a guest artist. Well, I’ve never written about it here because it never happened… the thing is, they refused to let me in because of my passport. They said I need a whole month before I can issue a new visa. I don’t know in what world we live in, but when you are invited to be a guest artist and you get an official invitation, you should be able to go… but then again… being Iraqi is something out of this world.

At the time, it hurt… it was a thing I was working for for almost three months, issuing two comic books… a combination of 430 colored drawings I might add, and I have only learned how to draw digitally recently… oh… plus I was studying for my MFDS exam and I drew this as a gift for Comic Con, as a tribute to the recently demised Leonard Nimoy.

Nimoy tribute

 

Life took all the lemons and I had nothing to squeeze. But… my art… writing, drawing and music… are my passion… They are the only thing I have in me that worth to fight for. I never stopped, I moved on, spread my words around locally.

It is said that when you really want something the universe conspire in your favor… and the universe did. I landed a publisher. Yes… I no longer pay to publish anymore. I got lucky and met a person who was looking for a new publisher to publish in more than one language. I got accepted. And ever since, I promised to never question anything that happens to me… because it is all part of the creator’s plan.

sklled sailor

 

Here are the books I am going to publish with them by the coming months… one in my native language, and the other is in English… Don’t worry, I’ll translate it one day.

سلسلة نور

Short detective series. The first book is called “Suppressed Hatred”

the remnant cover

Renamed it… again 😀

Goodbyes are the worst part when I write to you all… so instead… I’ll leave you with my recent drawings that I made for four special people for me… Cheers everyone.

My older brother got promoted to head department at the Australian university of Kuwait... I drew this for him as a gift. He's a big fan of Game of Thrones... I'm not.

My older brother got promoted to head department at the Australian university of Kuwait… I drew this for him as a gift. He’s a big fan of Game of Thrones… I’m not.

 

For my brother in law's  birthday. I had a severe lung infection ad he saved my life. He's a chest radiologist.

For my brother in law’s birthday. I had a severe lung infection ad he saved my life. He’s a chest radiologist.

My oldest two nephews just got accepted into Murdoch university in Australia. I'm sure they'll be better engineers than what I drew.

My oldest two nephews just got accepted into Murdoch university in Australia. I’m sure they’ll be better engineers than what I drew.